The Halfway Point: The Concordia MBA (Part 9)

In less than one month I will be halfway through the Concordia MBA program. In this short year I have been through a whirlwind. But through this all: leadership, growth, maturity, responsibility, time management, goals, and motivation are some realistic words that I can use to describe the change I have seen in myself over the course of the last year.

Two short years ago I was completely lost, and trying to find out what direction my life was heading in. I was unsure of what career direction I wanted to go in, had that overwhelming feeling of was it even possible to go back to school, and was unsure of everything in my life. Now I have clarity and a clear sense of direction of what I want. This program has changed my confidence level for the better. I am now getting compliments about how outspoken I am at work, and I can see the difference in myself at networking events, professional related events, and even with personal goals such as: saving to buy a house, building a college fund for my son, and the clear direction of where I want my career to go.

My goals have never been more clearly defined (and yes they are written down!), and my determination has never been at a higher level. That fear that I once had has now been molded into will power. However, it is important for me to remember the journey is only half way over. My goal will not be complete until I have earned my degree. With another year will come more opportunity to develop myself into into a better leader. Endless possibilities lie ahead, and I am starting to realize anything is possible!

Turn Your Dreams into Goals

Are you more a dreamer or a planner? Or are you a bit of both, depending on the circumstances and your mood?

When I speak and facilitate workshops about goal-setting, I always talk about the importance of dreams. Dreams, after all, are prerequisites to goals. As we get older, we tend to lose our ability to dream. The reality of life can, and often does, prevent us from thinking big and imagining what's possible.

As the mother of two young children with very active imaginations, I have the great joy of witnessing dreaming in action every day. There are no limits to the dreams of children. Anything is possible in the world they live in. Whether it's flying on a unicorn, taking a nap on a cloud, or going to Disney World, my kids believe ALL of these things can happen for them.

How well can you dream? If I asked you to share 5 things from your "dream list" (or bucket list or life list, as others call it), could you do it?

If it's been awhile since you've spent some time dreaming about the future, maybe today is the day.

Think about what you've always wanted to do, places you've always wanted to visit, people you've always wanted to meet. No limits. Write all of these down on your Dream List. (Remember that writing your dreams down is an important step because, as Paul Meyer taught us, "Writing crystallizes thought, which promotes action.")

Now take one of those dreams and start planning for it. How can you make that dream come true in the next 1-5 years? Make it a goal, and go for it!

Spend some time and energy dreaming and then focus your energy on creating a plan to make your dream come true!

If It's Meant To Be, It will Be.... Or Will It?

Everyone has heard the cliche saying, “If it’s meant to be it will be,” and I used to always believe that it was true. However, as I've grown up over the years I've found that saying, for the most part, to be untrue. How much of a role does fate actually play in your life before you have to take over and make your own decisions? Can you really just sit back and let things happen? Or do you have to take a leap of faith and trust that you are making the right decision for you?

I believe, personally, that you have to create your own destiny, and fate is more of a guidance tool than it is an actual decision maker. I believe you are presented with choices, but at times when those choices are difficult, fate can step in, not blurting out the answer, but more hinting at what you should do with subtle signs. Other times, when there are no signs, you have to take those leaps of faith and hope for the best.

This can ring true in any of life’s predicaments. From relationships, business ventures, and career decisions, having your eyes, mind, and more importantly, your heart, fully open to all of the wonderful possibilities is an important part of finding your calling.

Leaders don’t always have the answers right in front of them, but it is their intuition from their past experiences, be them good or bad, that help set the foundation for how they guide others. Could fate play a role in making a person the leader they are today? Yes, it could have, but the more you grow through life, the more you begin to realize that you don’t have to rely on signs for guidance. You begin to rely on God, yourself, and those closest to you for guidance and the answers will come to you. Although one day, should you get stuck in a rut, fate can always step in, and it’s nice to look back and realize those times when it did, and be thankful. 

What Skydiving & Leadership Have in Common

Earlier this year I went skydiving for the 3rd time. It got me thinking about what skydiving and leadership have in common.

1) Skydiving requires facing your fears. So does leadership. Being a leader takes courage...always has, always will.

2) Skydiving involves taking a leap of faith, which we are often required to do as leaders. Sometimes we leap willingly and with certainty, but other times the leap occurs only because we have someone willing to leap with us.

3) Sometimes leadership is a whirlwind that resembles the speed and intensity of the skydiving free fall. The pace makes us dizzy and perhaps a bit nauseous. 

4) When leaders take time to slow down and enjoy the view, they often marvel at the beauty around them. That's what happens when your parachute opens - the world is all around you; everything is quiet and peaceful; and you can take in the incredible beauty of the world below. When was the last time you slowed down for long enough to enjoy the view and reflect on what matters most?

5) Leadership resembles a tandem skydive because when you have good mentors and coaches surrounding you, you're a lot more likely to be successful and have smooth landings. In my case, my tandem instructor had been skydiving for more than 20 years, and our landing was flawless. On my leadership journey, I am indebted to the mentors and coaches who guide me and offer their insights, support, and encouragement every step of the way, especially when I feel like I'm free-falling.

What do you say, leaders? Is it time for YOUR skydiving adventure?

The Lefty Leader

Let me begin by saying that I am not a fan of professional golf. But I am a fan of sports, winners, and leaders who make a difference. That makes me a fan of Phil Mickelson, who yesterday won the Open Championship in Scotland. This was Phil's 5th major championship. One of the great things about this win is that it comes only a couple months after another 2nd place finish at the US Open, where he was in the lead on the final day. Phil put that disappointment behind him and rose to the occasion on the last day yesterday to come from behind to win his first Open Championship. It was a pleasure to watch and to root for Phil.

But after saying all that, this is not a blog about golf or even one about sports. This is about leadership and Phil Mickelson is a leader who is committed to making a difference. He does this in many ways including the Phil and Amy Mickelson Foundation that supports various youth and family initiatives. He also in involved many other charities showing he understands the importance of giving back. He is a servant leader.

Phil more than anything understands "what matters most." In 2009, Phil's wife Amy was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Phil took time off the tour to be with her and his family. Phil seems to be a very good husband. He seems to understand that his number one role in life is husband, not golfer. It is so nice to see Amy waiting for him after most of the tournaments. As they embrace you can really see the love there.

Phil also understands that his next most important role is father. In 1999, Phil was playing in the US Open. Amy was pregnant with their first child who could come at any time. Phil play the tournament, but made it clear if her got word from Amy that the baby was coming, he would leave no matter where he stood on the leader board. It just so happens that he was in contention. He actually was battling for the lead. It came down to the last hole. If Payne Stewart hadn't birdied that last hole there would have been a playoff the next day, which was when Amy went into labor. Instead, Phil finished second and was able to be there without any questions from the media.

This year, Phil was again faced with a dilemma. The day before the first round of the US Open he went to his daughters 8th grade graduation in California. This made him have to take a red eye flight back to Pennsylvania to play his first round at 7 AM. There was a lot of criticism for this, even though that first round was his best one of the tournament.

It is funny how people can criticize any person for doing the right thing. How many children never see their fathers either because they have left completely or because they are working all the time "for them"? There are plenty of athletes that deserve criticism for the way they live their lives. Many of them do not understand that they are leaders and other people are watching them. Those people will become like those leaders. I for one hope that more people follow the lead of Phil Mickelson.

Golf is a sport that has been dominated over the last 15 years by Tiger Woods. I know a lot of people root for Tiger because he is the best talent. But I will continue to root for Phil Mickelson because he is one of the best people, the best leaders out there. He "gets" it. He chooses to live a life of significance and that is admirable. That is a role model.

What Matters Most to You?

If you've been following this blog for awhile, you know that we write about What Matters Most a lot. In fact, it's a foundational principle of the SOS Leadership business model. We strive to empower and equip leaders to make a difference with a focus on what matters most to them. But the question is:

Do you know what matters most to you?

I mean, do you really know? In your gut? In your mind? And most importantly, in your heart?

Goethe's powerful quote reminds us that we absolutely need clarity about what matters most because life is too short to have things that matter least prioritized above what's most important to us.

Genuine leadership is most alive when there is clarity of purpose. It would be nice if we could just open a fortune cookie and find our life's purpose spelled out for us, but it's not that simple. It takes time and deep personal reflection to uncover what we're called to do with our lives.

In Retreat to Success: Living Your Life on Purpose, we outline four steps to discovering your life’s purpose:

1) Look at your talents and abilities. What gifts have you been given? You have been given those gifts for a reason. They are key to living out your purpose.

2) Look back on your life stories. Everything that has happened in your life up until now has been training camp for what’s next.

3) Find a good coach and/or mentor. Often you need someone to provide you with accountability and direction. The right coach can do just that. The right coach will help you realize your purpose.

4) Find quiet time to reflect. The busyness of life gets in the way of finding your purpose. If you can find quiet, you can find your purpose. 

Perhaps now is the time to invest the time and energy in discovering what matters most to you. Block off some quiet time in the days to come and take the next step. You'll be glad you did.

Leadership and Relationships

It is very important in a leadership role not to place your ego at the foreground and not to judge everything in relationship to how your ego is fed. –Ruth J. Simmons

As leaders we are naturally inclined to help others that are in need. From friends, family, to people we mentor, leaders have the ability to multitask and help influence an immense amount of people who are seeking help in any aspect of life. Because leaders have so many people who rely on them for their knowledge and expertise, it can be tough at times to prioritize who we give our time too. It should be a no brainer, right? You should know first and foremost that God and family come first and everything else is after, right? This isn't always the case.

It can be hard to give yourself to everyone, and it is even harder to prioritize your time, especially when you have so many people demanding time from you. As leaders, or any person in a position of power, we often feel that our followers will have top priority for our time. This might be because you have invested so much time into building something, and you still feel you have to give it your all for what you built to stay powerful and influential. This is where a balance needs to be reached.

Just like it is important for leaders to take moments for reflection, it is also important to take moments to reflect and remember the people who have supported you most throughout your leadership journey. Remember from time to time who truly comes first in your life and thank them for being the wonderful people they are. Sure, when starting a business, even when going to school, it can take up a lot of your time. Even when you do have time to spare with a loved one you might be mentally checked out; but you can never forget the family and friends that were there to support you in your time of need. Even if you didn't realize it was a time when you needed support, they were still there even when you declined dinner date after dinner date or a night on the town because you were busy working.

Take a moment today to send an e-mail, text, or even make a phone call, and tell your Husband, Wife, Mother, Father, Friend, whoever you are closest to, and thank them for all they do. 

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything is return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.”-Ralph Marston.

Leaders Give, Leaders Help, Leaders Hope

I strive to make this quote the foundation of my life. I wish I could say I was always successful, but even when I'm not, it's at the forefront of my mind and deeply embedded in my heart.

I am motivated by helping others succeed in a way that's meaningful to them. And I find that I'm most drawn to others who share this mindset. I instantly connect with leaders who believe in others and strive to be servants who lead AND leaders who serve.

I fundamentally believe that leadership is an act of service. It is an opportunity to lift others up, to learn with them, to grow with them. Leaders are people of hope. 

To all of the servant leaders out there, thank you for all you do. You give leadership a good name.

Leaders Give, Leaders Help, Leaders Hope

It's raining positivity!

It is raining today in Austin, Texas where our headquarters is located. It is raining in July in Texas! We must be thankful for days like this because we don't get many. In July in Texas we are always conserving water because of our lack of rain. People are usually complaining that it is too hot.

But today, we have rain! Sadly though, there are just as many people complaining about the rain as there are people usually complaining about the heat or about the lack of rain. Seeing complaints about rain reminds me that some people just need to complain. Some people are just negative. If you need to be reminded of the negativity in our country, just turn on the news or better yet check out your Facebook news feed! It is filled with negative thoughts from people who seem to have nothing better to do than bring others down.

Effective leaders produce positive thoughts and emotions. They don't complain about the rain in Texas in July. They embrace it! They thank God for this amazing blessing. If it was raining this morning when you woke up, what did you think? If it was negative, perhaps it is time for an attitude adjustment. What was the last thing you posted on Facebook? Was it a complaint? If so, why not see what happens when you only post positive things? 

Negativity is a habit. It is a behavior that you may have developed over a long period of time. Maybe your parents spoke with negativity. Maybe you have had a lot of "yeabuts" in your life. Now is the time to change that behavior. Remember that you do not think your way to new behavior. You BEHAVE your way to new thinking. If you want to be a positive leader who makes a difference, you must take action. You must make a change.

Positive leadership can change the world, but we must be the change we want to see. So next time you go to complain about something on Facebook or next time you don't thank God for the rain, stop and change that negative behavior! I look forward to a new Facebook. I look forward to a world full of sunshine, even when it is raining!

Drop the Baggage

Making sure you surround yourself with positivity is one of the many great qualities of leaders. Surrounding yourself with positivity isn't cutting out every single person that will bring negativity to your life, everyone goes through rough times and we, as their friends, should be there to support them as they have been there to support us. In turn, with having positive people surround us, it’s important to surround yourself in a good environment, one that is clean, organized, and uncluttered.

There are times when certain people do nothing but try to bring you down. People can try to bring you down by being blunt about it; deliberately hurting you and trying to sabotage your every move or it can be in a subtle way. We tend not to realize this subtle way of negativity, because we want, as a friend, to be there for that person in times of need; but there’s a limit to how needy a person can be and how much we can help that person before we can’t physically or emotionally do any more. At this time, it is they who can only help themselves.

As leaders we are naturally moved to help everyone in need, but there comes a time when we need to make the decision to let a person learn for themselves. We as leaders aren't supposed to directly tell people what to do in times of crisis, but instead, influence and guide them to what is right for them. Telling someone that you can no longer help them is the hardest thing to do, especially when they are a good friend, but it can ultimately only help them do better for themselves. Helping someone in need should be a rewarding and fulfilling experience, not a burden.

One last thing people don’t think has an influence on them is the environment they surround themselves with. This environment can be a cluttered house, dirty car, or even an un-organized work space. Growing up my Mother kept everything because it had some sentimental value to it, from baby clothes to old pots and pans; My Mother would also go on huge cleaning sprees where she would get so frustrated at the fact that there were too many things in the house.You can keep some sentimental things, but don’t keep all and just organize, organize, and organize! Organization is part of a happy lifestyle!

Amber Fogarty always says ‘in order to lead others you need to make sure you are fully taken care of yourself,’ and I believe that includes your surroundings, both friends and environment. Take the time to quietly reflect on your life and whether or not you should do some personal spring cleaning. You’ll be amazed at how refreshed you feel when you get rid of extra baggage.

Leaders Ask for Help

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a button we could push and the help we needed would just appear? It would save us from the often challenging task of asking for help.

I don't know about you, but asking for help has never been one of my favorite activities. Sometimes, even when I desperately need a helping hand, I trudge along, trying to do it all, and (in my worst moments) resenting the fact that no one is helping me! Can you relate?

There are scores of reasons why we don't ask for help:

• Pride
• Fear 
• Insecurity
• Not wanting to give up control
• Feeling guilty because we know the people in our lives are busy too

Australian blogger, Emma Grey, does a nice job of outlining 7 Reasons People Don't Ask for Help. What excuses do you make about why you don't ask for help?

I've justified not asking for help using all of these reasons at some point. Most often, I tell myself that if people wanted to help, they'd offer. I realize how short-sighted this is because the people in my life can't read my mind. They often WANT to help, but don't know how. 

I can't tell you how many times someone has offered to "help in anyway they can," and I've not taken them up on the offer, even when I felt like I was drowning.

My point with all of this is to share what I know to be true, but don't always put into action:

LEADERS ASK FOR HELP.

• I don't have all the answers, but together we might be able to solve the problem at hand. 
• I can't do it all, but I can do this while you help me with that. 
• I believe in you and know that we can and will make a great team.

I'm working to change the way I think about asking for help. Asking for help is a sign of my strength as a leader, not my weakness. 

When I ask for help, I am at my best. I am strong, empowered, and grateful. Very grateful.

Do you need help today? Take the leap...and ask!

The Wisdom of Leading Ladies

As we come to an end with our first Leading Ladies blog series, it’s nice to take a look back on the posts that, although we might not have known it at the time, gave us so much inspiration, such motivation to keep moving forward with our own dreams and goals.  From tips to how to become a great leader, quotes, and shared life lessons, each lady that contributed to this series laid their hearts on the table in hopes of inspiring others.

Whether these ladies realize it or not, the wisdom that they have shared with others through their own leadership journey is what many people need to strive forward. Each post was unique in its own way, and had the potential to resonate with someone who may have been going down a similar path.

First time mothers having trouble finding their voice after having a baby may have been enlightened by Sara Palacios, who after many troubling days and nights, finally found the courage to write her first book:

“I spent the day telling myself I made the right call and that I should do something more practical and definite, and just when I felt like I was good and convinced, a little baby foot kicked inside of me for the first time. My heart flooded with love and in that moment, everything I had been telling myself all day came crashing down. Instead of fighting it, I took it as a sign and embraced it. Deep down, I knew I was better than to give up on my dreams and in my darkest moment, I believed in myself and I kept fighting.”

Ruoyun Xu, a student at St. Edward’s University, wrote about quotes that got her through difficult times in her life; how sometimes, your background can play a major role in deciding your future.  Students and young professionals can read Ruoyun’s blog and be inspired by her advice, no matter their background:

“If you are able to create your own opinion and act on that opinion without worrying about the opinions of anyone who disapproves, then you are able to free yourself and truly become who you are meant to be.”

These posts are but a fraction of the amazing posts SOS Leadership had the honor of hosting on our blog. All of the amazing Leading Ladies that contributed to our blog truly represent what SOS Leadership is about; Inspiring and motivating others to be the best they can be, no matter what path they decide to take.

No matter who you are, or what you decide to do in life, everyone needs help along the way. Help can come in many forms; even in the form of a simple blog post, from someone who was once in your shoes. These posts aren't a step by step manual on how to overcome obstacles on your leadership journey, but more as a motivational guide, in that no matter where you are at in life, you will overcome any hardship, and you will rejoice in your accomplishments. 

If you would like to be a guest blogger for SOS Leadership, please contact Shane Montoya here, or Marisa Cuellar here.

The Power of the Pause Button - Part 3 of 3

Today's blog is the final post in a three-part series called The Power of the Pause Button where SOS Leadership Partner Amber Fogarty explores the art of thinking before we speak and why this is particularly important for those who lead. To read the first 2 posts in this series, click here and here.

Welcome back! This blog series has been an interesting one to develop, and I've talked about this topic at length with some of the phenomenal leaders I know over the last 3 weeks. They've shared their stories, their personal "pause button victories," as well as the times they wished they would have pushed pause and given themselves the time they needed to respond rather than react. 

Consistently, I heard the pain in the voices of the men and women who recounted times when they didn't push pause. There was often regret. Yet, there was also learning. Will we always succeed in pushing our pause button at the right times? Of course not. We are human, and we will make mistakes. We will, again and again (maybe even today), say things to the people in our lives that we wish we wouldn't have said. As I've shared before, every leader is on a journey to learn how to lead.

What sets us apart as leaders? We recognize and acknowledge our mistakes, and we genuinely try to learn from them. We think deeply about how we want to lead, and we continue to strive to be the leaders we are called to be.

Seneca shared these words of wisdom, "As long as you live, keep learning how to live." I will take that idea a step further: 

As long as you live, keep learning how to lead.

Keep learning when you want (and need) to press pause, and continue learning from all of the communication interactions you have, both the successes and the failures.

Communication and leadership go hand and hand, but not always easily. Understanding the power of the pause button is simple and knowing that I should think before I speak makes sense, but actually recognizing:

1) that I have a pause button, and

2) when I need to use it

presents a greater challenge. But you can do it, especially when you focus on relationships and really think about the impact of your words on the people who matter most to you.

I invite you to share your "pause button moments" with me via email or comment below. Let's learn and grow together.

Courageous Leaders, I Salute You!

Being a leader takes courage. There's no doubt about it. I've written about courage before on this blog (see here), and I'm struck by how often I recognize moments in my life when making the choice to lead requires me to dig deep to find the courage.

One of the great challenges of leadership is to know when to stand up and speak and when to sit down and listen. Churchill's quote reminds us that both are acts of leadership that require tremendous courage.

When I think about courage, I often envision great historic icons, soldiers, heroes...but lately I've been reflecting on courage closer to home, the courageous men and women I know personally. From single parents to small business owners to friends chasing big dreams, I'm surrounded by courageous men and women each and every day. It takes courage to lead at work, at home, and in our communities. And every time we say YES and choose to lead, we show the world our courage.

Today, I salute you for being a courageous leader. And I remind you of this important truth:

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says ‘I will try again tomorrow.’" ~ Mary Anne Radmacher