I Am A Leader: Thoughts on Leadership from Tony Aguilar

Welcome to the I Am A Leader blog series, featuring leaders who make a difference. Today's guest blogger is Tony Aguilar. Tony is a former professional poker player turned socialpreneur. His passion is creating businesses and organizations that tackle social and economic problems. He is founder of Amiti Advising, America’s first financial planning firm for Gen-Y, and Campus Slice, a social funding platform that helps students raise money for tuition.

Amiti Advising Twitter, Amiti Advising Facebook, Campus Slice Twitter, Campus Slice Facebook, Blog - http://www.pursuing.it

“An inspirational leader gets people dreaming.” -- Marco Illi

I was six years old in my backyard, holding a bat with tears in my eyes. My dad was winding up to throw the next pitch and I stepped out of the way and dropped my bat. "I can't do it," I said, frustrated, because I could not make contact with the ball. I had to learn how to hit off a pitcher if I wanted to play with kids two years older than me. He looked at me and said, "Yes you can. I know you can."

There was something in my dad's eyes that instilled this extreme confidence in me. His look was so powerful that it keeps this memory so clear in my mind.

Throughout my life, my father provided words of wisdom with this same look in his eyes. I've carried this confidence and optimism my whole life. At times it could be mistaken for arrogance, but it is pure faith in my abilities. Without it, I would not be where I am today.

It took me two decades to finally realize what this was. I could see that he believed in me with everything in his soul and it gave me the confidence I needed to accomplish anything I was pursuing.

You can see the same look in the eyes of the world's true leaders. Look at a speech by Martin Luther King Jr., an interview with Steve Jobs, or a pre-game talk by Ray Lewis. You can see the passion shining through their eyes and feel the belief they have in their heart. It's mesmerizing.

Too many leaders try to "manage" and "motivate" their team. They read books, attend seminars, and try tactics to influence their team, but get frustrated when these things don't work. They are missing the most vital piece of influencing others.

Thinking back, I've always been a leader in the traditional sense (school president, team captain, founder of multiple organizations and businesses, yadda yadda), but most of these endeavors were to fulfill self-gratifying goals.

It wasn't until I started Amiti Advising where my leadership philosophy truly emerged. Amiti is the first company in the US to provide affordable financial planning for GenY - young professionals and recent college grads.

Building a new business from scratch can be a daunting task, so I immersed myself in articles, interviews, and books of people who I looked up to. I took extensive notes on everything I read, searching for the top three common traits that they all shared, so that I could implement these in my life.

After 2.5 years of studying, I realized that there are about a dozen common traits that most leaders share, but most importantly, I discovered that these traits are born from one place. They are born from inspiration.

Inspiration is the most important trait of a leader.

It cannot be taught. It cannot be faked.

There are three keys to being an inspirational leader:

1. Purpose
Inspiring leaders serve a higher purpose. Their goals are never self-satisfying. They strive to make everyone around them better and help others succeed.

2. Empathy
Inspirational leaders truly care about their team and everyone around them. Most importantly, they show this gratitude consistently.

3. Team Focused
Inspiring leaders are team oriented. They always put their team first, give them the credit, and all the praise. They understand that if it wasn't for their team and everyone around them they wouldn’t be as successful.

These are the things I strive to instill in my businesses and relationships.

If we think about common leadership traits like motivation, charisma, and enthusiasm we can see that these are forces that we push on someone else. These forces come and go throughout our days.

Inspiration, on the other hand, is an internal force that pulls people towards us. People are drawn to the passion and energy we have about a particular subject. This passion burns steady and deep in our core. It naturally motivates people.

Great leaders inspire people. People motivate themselves.

This is what my dad did for me. He inspired me and filled me with the confidence and belief I needed to pursue my dreams.

This what I want to do for everyone around me. I want to make a lasting impact on my team and customers. I want to inspire my friends and family to pursue their dreams and achieve their success. Most importantly, I want to surround myself with people who inspire me every day.

A special thank you to Tony Aguilar for sharing his insights about leadership with us today! Stay tuned every Friday as the I Am A Leader blog series continues. Please share this blog post via Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Let's continue the conversation on Twitter using the #iamaLEADER hash tag! You can connect with SOS Leadership on Twitter here and Tony Aguilar here.

Check out all of the I Am A Leader blogs here!

Leadership Lessons From FRIENDS - “The One With The Football”

Today's Leadership Lessons From FRIENDS blog features guest writer Liz Davidson. Liz is a writer and designer for GCP Association Services in Pflugerville, which manages statewide non-profit associations. She writes and does layout designs for various organization publications and recently started creating websites for clients. She holds a BA in journalism and history from Texas Christian University. In her free time she enjoys traveling, reading, listening to live music and biking around her hometown of Austin.

Not much can beat a “Friends” holiday episode, and one of my favorites just happened to be on last week on account of Thanksgiving. In “The One with the Football,” the gang decides to play a friendly game of touch football while the turkey cooks. They find out that this was an annual tradition for Monica and Ross when they were kids, until the year their parents banned them from playing after Monica “accidentally” broke Ross’s nose. But they decide to play anyway, and the friends quickly discover just why the siblings were (rightly) banned from the game.

Monica and Ross are blinded by their need to win. Nothing else matters to them except winning the Geller Cup (a hideous troll doll nailed to a piece of wood). And they will step on (or trip) anyone that gets in their way of obtaining that goal. By being so competitive, they have a hard time letting go of even an ounce of control to work successfully as a team. Effective leaders should understand that it’s not about you winning; it’s about your team winning. You should be doing everything in your power to help your team win, not let competition tear your team apart.

A little competition can be healthy. It can push you and inspire you to accomplish things you didn’t think possible. It can motivate and give you a drive you didn’t know you had. But too much competition can hinder you. It can damage your relationships. It can cause you to miss out on chances for teamwork and striving toward a goal together.

Good leadership includes being able to take a step back and look beyond oneself to notice and evaluate the strengths of others. Once you are able to do this, you can use these strengths to the full advantage of the team. In this episode, Rachel is terrible at football, so Ross and Monica don’t really let her play. However, Rachel eventually talks Monica into letting her do something in the game by pointing out that they never cover her. Monica eventually agrees, and, by working as a team, Rachel scores the winning touchdown (well, almost – it ends up not counting on a technicality).

Please check back with us in two weeks as our “Leadership Lessons from FRIENDS” blog series continues! 

Weekly Motivational Minute: "Three Things We All Desire in Our Life"

Every week, an SOS Leadership partner or friend shares a motivational minute about a different leadership topic. This week SOS Partner, Bill Moyer shares with us his thoughts on the "Three Things We All Desire in Our Life."

What Great Leaders Believe...

Have you ever spent time reflecting on the fundamental beliefs of leaders? Join me...this is a thought-provoking exercise that gets to the heart of what leadership means to you. What do you believe to be true about leadership? What are your deepest convictions about leadership?

As someone who aspires to be a great leader, I believe...

• That leaders are made, not born.
• That leaders aspire to answer the call to leadership in their own unique way.
• That leaders strive to communicate effectively.
• That leaders practice empathy on a daily basis. 
• That leaders work on themselves first and their people second.
• That leaders recognize the inherent value of personal and professional development.
• That leaders understand that learning is a lifelong process.
• That leaders subscribe to the idea that, "Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other." (John F. Kennedy)
• That leaders know the deep and lasting impact of these words, "I believe in you." 
• That leaders who strive to be servants receive more than they could ever give.
• That the model of leadership that works best for me is a servant leadership model.
• That my leadership mantra is: "To serve is to lead. To lead is to serve." 

What do you believe? Share your thoughts with me in the comments section. I can't wait to hear what you believe about leadership. Have a fantastic day!

Leadership Lessons from Silver Linings Playbook

When I go to the movies, I usually don't go just to be entertained. I go to be educated. I am always looking for the leadership lessons in the movies I see. I tend to enjoy movies more if there are a lot of leadership lessons. Yesterday though, I went to see the movie Silver Linings Playbook for one reason only. I heard it was set in Philadelphia and was about an Eagles fan. Being a huge Philly sports fan, I knew it was my duty to see the movie and with the current sad state of the Eagles, I needed some entertainment on a Sunday afternoon.

Although I went for that one reason, I found myself truly engaged by the movie. Silver Linings Playbook is filled with leadership lessons. It is a story about how life doesn't always go according to plan . The main character, Pat (played by Bradley Cooper) has lost everything - his house, his job, and his wife.  After spending eight months in a state mental institution, Pat moved in with his mother and father. He tries hard to stay positive or to look for the silver lining, but he faces many challenges. All Pat wants is to reconcile with his wife who triggered his mental problem with infidelity. But it is not Pat's wife that helps him get back on track, it is a young woman named Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence) who has problems of her own who pulls Pat back on track.

Here are some of the leadership lessons that stood out to me in Silver Linings Playbook:

1. Role Modeling - Pat had a lot of problems, one of them being anger. When you watch his father (played by Robert De Niro) you can see where his anger came from. Pat was conditioned with anger. His father only communicated with him through football and that meant a lot of rage. His father was actually banned from the Eagles stadium for fighting. Throughout the movie people judged Pat because of his problems. His father was certainly guilty of this, but it was Pat's father who helped make Pat the way he was. People become like their leader and this was clear in Pat and his father.

2. Team of Two - People are both the obstacle and the solution to every goal you will ever set. We cannot do everything or anything alone. Pat needed help and Tiffany was exactly what he needed, even if he did not know it. Everyone has problems and if we come together in teams of two we can better solve those problems. Pat made Tiffany better and she made him better as well.

3. Surround yourself with positive people - Pat was surrounded by negativity and that negated his efforts to finding a silver lining. His parents were negative, his brother was both negative and a show-off, his wife had an affair, and even his best friend talked negatively about his own life even though he had so many blessings. He had things Pat did not have. Pat was often counseling other people and he was the one with the mental illness. 

4. Clarity - I believe that the theme of Silver Linings Playbook was clarity. Pat was searching for it throughout the movie. This is why he had no idea he was actually in a relationship with Tiffany. He had no idea she was in love with him because he had no clarity. Tiffany was searching for clarity and found Pat. The two came together and things clear up for them both. They found what they were looking for and it wasn't what they thought it would be. We all need to search for clarity. This comes from a clear purpose, vision, and mission. This comes from clearly defined goals.

Those are just some of the many leadership lessons from Silver Linings Playbook. I encourage you to go and see this great movie. It is the best movie I have seen all year. It is a leadership story. It is a love story, although you don't know it until half-way through the movie. It is filled with funny scenes and one-liners. You will not be disappointed.

And don't forget to look for the silver linings in your life. Remember how truly blessed you are even when times are tough. Be grateful for life and for love. No more negativity! Be positive and look for the silver lining!

Support Small Business! Invest in Yourself!

It's Small Business Saturday, and SOS Leadership is marking this special day by sharing a special Family & Friends offer with you, our loyal blog readers!

Support SOS Leadership by purchasing our newest book, Retreat to Success: Living Your Life on Purpose, at our special Family & Friends Rate! Or invest in yourself or someone you love with the SOS Coaching Power Pack. These special offers are good through 12/31/12. 

Learn more below!

Retreat to Success:
Living Your Life on Purpose
By: Bill and Billy Moyer & Amber Fogarty 
Foreword by Dina Dwyer-Owens, Chairwoman & CEO, The Dwyer Group

Retreat to Success is a story about taking the time to slow down and find your life's purpose. It's about seeking, and hopefully finding, clarity. Open your mind and heart to the story of three people, all in different stages of life, who go on a retreat and find themselves.

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I Am A Leader: Thoughts on Leadership from Rachael Meier

Welcome to the I Am A Leader blog series, featuring leaders who make a difference.  Today's guest blogger is Rachael Meier.  Rachael is the owner of Simple Heart Photography.  She studied communications and religion at Heidelberg College in Tiffin, OH. After 2 years at YOU! Magazine in California and 7 years working in the conference office at Franciscan University of Steubenville, she realized her passion was capturing life with her camera.  Now taking her photography business full time, she is also a full time wife and mother to two boys.  

Rachael specializes in weddings and loves being the storyteller for a couple in love on their wedding day.  Check out her work at www.simpleheartphotography.com or her writings and recent work at simpleheartphoto.blogspot.com. You can also find her on Facebook here. 

I realized a while back that I always seem to find myself in leadership roles. It was as if I looked up one day and thought, “hmm, I must be a leader.”  Being a leader doesn't bother me. I am the second oldest of five children. I love being around people and helping them, love being involved, and well, I guess sometimes I can take charge when things just need to get done.  I have realized I am a natural leader, but that doesn't mean it always comes easy to me. It does mean that it is a gift, and an honor that God gave to me that I dare not take for granted.

Some of the leadership roles I have had in my life are: A shift leader back in high school working at the local McDonald's, an RA in college for three years, and then quickly took on numerous responsibilities when I volunteered at YOU! Magazine, which is a Catholic Teen Magazine based in California after college.  I learned early on that I enjoyed being a leader. I enjoyed helping others reach their potential. I enjoyed chipping in to the team effort to get the job done.  I learned when I over committed, that I became the only one getting things done and realized I needed to share the responsibility. Being a leader doesn’t mean doing it all yourself, rather it requires you to gain the respect of others and lead the direction of those working with you.  Being a leader doesn’t mean having all the answers, yet knowing where to find them. 

Being a leader also means means being a good follower. A “right of passage” if you will, of being a leader is doing some type of ropes course with your fellow team members during a training event, staff retreat, or team building activity. I have done several of such courses in my time, and was even a leader for a course at a university for a few years. One particular experience that stands out for me was the time that the instructors decided to give me an extra challenge. They knew I was a leader, loved to talk, loved to help and knew a lot of the exercises we were about to embark on that day. So they decided to make me mute for the day. But they didn't stop there! They also blindfolded me and tied up my hands.  I was completely dependent on my other teammates. I learned to be a good leader, by being a good follower. This taught me to stop and listen to others ideas and to discover new ways of doing things. This taught me to let the quieter people in the group step up to the plate. This allowed the strengths of the whole team to shine. Not just the leader!

I am at a new stage in my life now. I am a wife, a mother, and I run my own photography business from my home. I don’t have a typical team that I am working with, but I have two little boys who look up to me to lead them everyday. I lead them how to eat healthy. I lead them in how to play together. I lead them in how to talk to each other. I lead them in daily prayers. And nothing keeps you on track like instant feedback! As the mother of two growing boys who are learning at a rapid rate, I know when my temper gets short—so does theirs. I know when my eating habits are poor—so are theirs. I know when my prayer life struggles—so does theirs.

We often think of leadership in just the corporate world, but it is happening all around us, everyday.  How are we going to lead today? Who are we leading today? Who is watching? Who do you want to be?

A special thank you to Rachael Meier for sharing her insights about leadership with us today! Stay tuned every Friday as the I Am A Leader blog series continues. Please share this blog post via Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Let's continue the conversation on Twitter using the #iamaLEADER hash tag! You can connect with SOS Leadership on Twitter here and Rachael Meier here.

Check out all of the I Am A Leader blogs here!

An Attitude of Gratitude - Blog 4 of 4

Welcome to a 4-Part Series called "An Attitude of Gratitude." For the third consecutive year the SOS Leadership team is continuing its tradition of blogging about gratitude and what matters most during the week of Thanksgiving. Today SOS Leadership team member Shane Montoya encourages us to give back to others.

Happy Thanksgiving To Everyone!

Thanksgiving 2012 is finally here! Today is a day full of traditions: from Mom’s fresh cranberries, to Dad’s fried turkey, the best tradition of all is making sure to be together with my family! It is going to be exciting this year to see my 2-year-old son’s eyes light up when he sees a table full of delicious food and not knowing what to eat first!

However, although this day is filled with great food and family traditions, it’s also a time of being thankful and giving back. 2012 has been an amazing year for me and I definitely have been guilty of not being thankful enough for everything that I have been given and for all the opportunities that I have had. When I was watching SOS Leadership President, Billy Moyer’s motivational minute he gave a great idea:  “show gratitude, and write hand written thank you letters.”

I can’t even remember the last time that I have written a simple letter to someone to say thank you. This year I am going to make that commitment to write everyone that I want to thank a short thank you note.  Although the letters won’t reach anyone in time for Thanksgiving the important thing is to just let people know that I am thankful, no matter what day it is!

I encourage everyone to go above and beyond his or her usual traditions this year, and to continue to give back to others! Thanksgiving is a wonderful time, and I hope that everyone enjoys this special day!

"True thanksgiving means that we need to thank God for what He has done for us, 
and not to tell Him what we have done for Him." 


- George R. Hendrick

Weekly Motivational Minute: "Gratitude"

Every week, an SOS Leadership partner or friend shares a motivational minute about a different leadership topic. This week SOS Partner, Billy Moyer shares with us his thoughts on "Gratitude."

An Attitude of Gratitude - Blog 3 of 4

Welcome to a 4-Part Series called "An Attitude of Gratitude." For the third consecutive year the SOS Leadership team is continuing its tradition of blogging about gratitude and what matters most during the week of Thanksgiving. Today SOS Leadership Co-founder and CEO Bill Moyer talks about the Seeds of Gratitude.

I love Thanksgiving! For me it is not a holiday, it is an attitude. An attitude is defined as a habit of thought and giving thanks every day for all of the blessings in my life is a habit that I choose daily as a way of life.

It is so easy sometimes to look around and see all of the things that are wrong in the world, but if you adjust your lens and see the world through the eyes of a grateful heart, you will be overwhelmed with the beauty and abundance that is part of God’s creation. I was in a hurry recently at the post office, but noticed a lady with a walker struggling to open the door. I stopped to help her and spent a few minutes talking to her. She told me how thankful she was to meet me. Not because I helped her, but because I slowed down and spent a few minutes with her. She told me how blessed she was to need a walker to get around because it forced her to slow down and experience all of the beauty in the world. That beauty is hard to notice at the fast pace we typically move at. That pace is a part of the busyness of our lives.

We can’t be grateful for things that we are too busy to experience. I am thankful this year that I live in the greatest country in the world in spite of all of its challenges. I am thankful that I live every day with the most amazing blessing from God in my wife Rose. She makes me laugh and finds great joy in all of the little things. I really understand after all of the years that we have spent together what it means for two to become one. I am thankful for that. I am also so blessed to do the work that I do, that in some small way makes a difference in the lives of others.  I am especially thankful to share that passion every day with my partners, who also happen to be my son and my daughter.

I am thankful that all four of my kids are happily married and understand the commitment that “in good times and in bad, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” takes. I am thankful for five beautiful grandchildren who know how to bring a smile to the face of their “PopPop.”

My challenge to all of you this Thanksgiving and every day is to plant the seeds of gratitude in others, especially those special people in your life. You will definitely reap what you sow! 

An Attitude of Gratitude - Blog 2 of 4

Welcome to a 4-Part Series called "An Attitude of Gratitude." For the third consecutive year the SOS Leadership team is continuing its tradition of blogging about gratitude and what matters most during the week of Thanksgiving. Today SOS Leadership Partner Amber Fogarty blogs about how great leaders give thanks.

It’s the time of year when everyone is focused on giving thanks. Every year I marvel at this holiday and wonder to myself, “Why isn’t giving thanks a way of life?” And then I remember…this attitude of gratitude starts with me. It’s a time to reflect on my own leadership journey and how I’ve shown gratitude to those who matter most to me. 

What typically happens with time spent in reflection is experiencing a period of having more questions than answers. So today I share these questions with you so we can ponder them together in the days to come:

• How do I give thanks? 
• How do I authentically show gratitude on a daily basis?
• Why is it that I spend much of the year focused on what I don’t have, rather than being grateful for what’s right in front of me?
• Is my current attitude one of gratitude? 
• Do I have a scarcity mentality or do I genuinely believe I live in abundance?
• As a leader, how am I called to live a life of gratitude?

The other key theme in my reflection about gratitude is that it’s easy to be grateful for what’s right in my life – for family, friends, a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, etc.  But how often am I grateful for the things that aren’t as they could or should be? Am I able to give thanks for the challenges that are before me? Do I approach failures and disappointments with a grateful heart? Is that what great leaders do?

Again, more questions than answers. I’d love to say that the answer is a resounding yes. But if I’m honest with myself (and with you), that’s not always the case. At my core, I believe that great leaders are particularly grateful for each and every opportunity that brings about learning and growth. That’s the leader I want to be. That’s the leader I’m striving to be. Here’s to doing the best I can, one day at a time, to lead like that.

From my home to yours, Happy Thanksgiving! I am grateful to you for sharing this journey with me. Experiencing life with others who share my desire to lead and grow brings me joy. It makes me feel fully alive and abundantly blessed. And for that, I am incredibly thankful.

An Attitude of Gratitude - Blog 1 of 4

Welcome to a 4-Part Series called "An Attitude of Gratitude." For the third consecutive year the SOS Leadership team is continuing its tradition of blogging about gratitude and what matters most during the week of Thanksgiving. Today SOS Leadership Partner Billy Moyer blogs about what he's thankful for and asks some thought-provoking questions about gratitude.

Thanksgiving is just a few days away. It is my favorite holiday. I love everything about it. Family, Food, Football... You can't get much better than that.

It is during this week that I always think about how truly blessed I am. I think about all of the gifts God has given me. This has been a challenging year for me personally, but I am thankful for all of the challenges. For it is in the challenges, the failures, that you learn the most about yourself. This year I have learned that I will not quit. I learned that I will strive on no matter what is thrown at me. I have re-learned the fact that it doesn't matter what other people say, think, or do. All that matters is I am living my life on "purpose."

This year I am thankful:

• For my wife, who I have now been married to for over a year. She has made a challenging year, my best year ever. How could a year of marriage to her not be my best year ever?
• For my family, who have been there for me when I wasn't well. They are always there for me even though I am not always the easiest person to be around. And I do not always show them how much I love them. My family is also a part of my business, so I include SOS Leadership in this one. Being a family business is what sets SOS apart from other companies and I am grateful for that.
• To be alive. I am thankful for life and that I know my place in this world. This year I was reminded how truly sacred life is and I know that I need to live my life to the fullest each day.
• For all of the great people who I have come across this year. I may not have told you so, but you are amazing. You are the reason I do what I do. I want to make a difference in your life. I want to make a difference in the world.

Those are just some of the many things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? Have you told someone that you love them? Have you thanked God for being alive lately? Have you thanked Him for giving you the many gifts He has given you?

Here is a thought: Why don't we live each day for the next year like it is Thanksgiving? Why don't we tell people we are grateful for them and that we love them? Why do I have to wait until this week every year to be thankful? We should live a life of thanksgiving everyday. If we do that, every year will be our best year ever!

I Am A Leader: Thoughts on Leadership from Sarah Matz

Welcome to the I Am A Leader blog series, featuring leaders who make a difference. Today's guest blogger is Sarah Matz. Sarah Matz has worked in the government and political communication fields for more than a decade. Her experience includes work in the U.S. House of Representatives, the U.S. Department of Justice, and the State of Texas. She holds a BS in Criminal Justice and is currently working toward her Masters in Communication and Organizational Leadership at Gonzaga University. This summer she spent a month in Italy as part of the Gonzaga-in-Cagli program and earned a certificate in Intercultural Communication and International Media.   

Sarah proudly serves the Young Women’s Alliance as the foundation marketing chair, is a member of the SOS Gr8 Women Leaders Program, and regularly volunteers for CureSearch for Children’s Cancer. In her spare time she enjoys spoiling her niece and nephew, traveling, spending time outdoors, and riding her horse, Rosie.  

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” ~ Atticus Finch

In the classic book To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee explores the ideas of personal integrity and social injustice through the eyes of six-year old Scout Finch. Since the 1960s when the book was first published, readers have looked to Atticus Finch, Scout’s father and the story’s protagonist, as an enduring moral hero and model of integrity. However, to me the fundamental message in this story is the value of empathy.  

Over the years, I have thought a lot about the role empathy plays in our lives and how it relates to leadership, service, and community. I discovered that the definitions are wide-ranging and the term holds various meanings. For example, theology professor, Andrea Hollingsworth defines empathy in the Journal of Religion and Science as “the capacity to be affected by and share in the state of another (or others) in such a way that we maintain self-awareness even as we ‘feel into’ the other’s experience.” Psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen, author of The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, argues that “empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling and respond to their thoughts and feelings with appropriate emotion.” Furthermore, Parker J. Palmer, author of The Courage to Teach says, “If we want to support each other’s inner lives, we must remember a simple truth: the human soul does not want to be fixed, it wants simply to be seen and heard.”  

Although each definition is different, I see two common characteristics: listening and relating. From this perspective, empathy is not only a leadership tool; it is a vital part of the human experience. Empathy is how we expand our worldviews, seek understanding, and serve others. It is the essence of personal growth and leadership. Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, creators of The Leadership Challenge suggest, “One talent leaders need to strengthen is the ability to hear what is important to others. By knowing their constituents, by listening to them, and by taking their advice, leaders are able to give voice to constituents’ feelings.”

Empathy has an especially important role in environments where conflict is inherent. Throughout the course of my career in political communications, I have seen firsthand the value of empathy and what can happen when empathy is absent. Our personal and work relationships suffer, conflict is overwhelming and less constructive, and we may lose sight of our personal and professional responsibilities. On a larger scale, the erosion of empathy can influence the very health of our communities.  

In relation to global conflict resolution, Baron-Cohen believes, “usually we are dependent on diplomatic channels, legal frameworks, or military methods. But all those things operate at a very abstract level and they don't seem to get us very far…Empathy is about two people—two people meeting, getting to know each other and tuning in to what the other person is thinking and feeling.” As an example, Baron-Cohen explains the meeting of Nelson Mandela and former South African president F. W. de Klerk, which lead to the end of apartheid, "The progress that came out of just that one relationship—well, arguably, it broke through where all other methods had failed, and at far less cost in terms of human life.”

The messages of empathy illustrated above are valuable lessons that extend well past history and the fictional “tired old town of Maycomb.” In my own path as a leader, empathy has been a powerful way to communicate more effectively, build relationships, and understand this world and where I fit in. I hope the mark I leave in the minds and hearts of those that follow me is this: never lose sight of humanity, love fearlessly, and seek understanding before seeking to be understood. I’m no expert yet, but I firmly believe that opening ourselves up to listening and sharing is what leadership is all about and it will enable us to unlock endless possibilities. 

A special thank you to Sarah Matz for sharing her insights about leadership with us today! Stay tuned every Friday as the I Am A Leader blog series continues. Please share this blog post via Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Let's continue the conversation on Twitter using the #iamaLEADER hash tag! You can connect with SOS Leadership on Twitter here and Sarah Matz here.

Check out all of the I Am A Leader blogs here!

Leadership Lessons From FRIENDS - “The One Where Rachel Quits Her Job”

This is the official launch of the SOS Leadership “Leadership Lessons from FRIENDS” blog series! This blog series will consist of leadership lessons learned from the popular 1990s – early 2000s sitcom FRIENDS. This blog series will run bi-weekly from now until the end of January, 2013. It will feature guest bloggers who will share with you the leadership lessons they learned from the show FRIENDS!

We hope this blog encourages you to always be on the look out for leadership lessons in your everyday lives!

We look forward to hearing your thoughts about this blog series in the weeks and months to come.

In the episode “The One Where Rachel Quits Her Job,” after two and a half years of working at the coffee shop Central Perk, Rachel is asked to go through training again. Why you ask? It’s because she did not know how to do what some people would consider to be simple things including: putting the empty trays in the tray spot, serving decaf over regular coffee, bringing someone tea instead of coffee, among many other things. In the episode Rachel says, “I don’t understand why I am being re-trained for a job that I don’t even want to do in the first place?”

Have you ever found yourself in that position? Are you at a job now that doesn't fit what you want to do, and you can’t seem to leave to follow your true passion? In this episode Chandler called this being scared of the FEAR! This included: fear of the unknown, fear of being without a job, fear of ending up at a job that you hate even more, fear of everything! Rachel one day decided that she no longer wanted to be scared of the fear and gave her notice.

Rachel decided to follow her dreams of working in the fashion industry, although her resume at 28 years old only included head cheerleader and waitress. The time was running out and Rachel had still yet to find a job. She was contemplating telling the coffee shop that she wanted her job back, but with her friends encouragement she waited it out, and she got a new job! Rachel conquered the fear. Her closing remarks to all the customers at Central Perk on her last day were, “I will never serve another cup of coffee ever again.” As the show closes she is going through training at her new job and is being shown how her new boss likes his coffee to be made!

The lessons that we can take from this episode is that it is important to face that fear and follow your true passion. Sometimes even when you reach that next level, as Rachel did, you still may have to do some things that may not be your favorite things to do. However, it is a step in the path of your Leadership Journey!

I would love to hear more about your leadership journey and the road you have taken to get to where you are at today. What challenges have you faced? What have you done that you did not want to do? What did you learn? I look forward to your comments.