Having It All is an Attitude

We’re all searching for meaning in our lives. I see it every day in my interactions with the clients we work with and in my conversations with family and friends. We want to know that our lives matter, that we have a purpose.

Life is short, sometimes so short that we are overwhelmed by the reality of how little time we have. Instinctively, we know that we need to make every day count. We hear lots of talk about living life to the fullest, having no regrets, and remembering that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Yet, do we really take these words to heart in the way we live our lives on a daily basis?

I wish I could say the answer is yes for me, that I get it right every day. But I don’t. I struggle every day to “keep the main thing the main thing,” to remember our organizational mantra (and my personal mission) of focusing on “what matters most.”

These words ring true: “The secret to having it all is knowing you already do.” Having it all is an attitude. It’s about wanting what you have, about giving thanks every day for the people in your life and the many abundant blessings that are right in front of you.

Today I know that I have it all. Do you?

The Perfect Balance Myth

We hear a lot of people talking about balance – balancing work and life, balancing family responsibilities and volunteer commitments, balancing a healthy lifestyle and spiritual time, balancing all the things we want to do with our time and even the things we don’t, like cleaning, car maintenance, laundry, and the long list of to-do’s that often overwhelm us.

I don’t know about you, but for a long time I thought it was possible to do it all. A wise coach once told me, “You can have everything you want in life, just not all at the same time.” I am trying to take that message to heart and not beat myself up when I can’t do it all, when I can’t be all things to all people, and when I have to say no.

I am starting to understand (slowly but surely) that perfect balance is a myth. It not about giving equal time to each area of my life. It’s about understanding my priorities and aligning how I spend my time with those priorities. Further, it’s about having people in my life who hold me accountable when the way I’m spending my time isn’t a reflection of what matters most to me.

These are hard lessons to learn. I talk to coaching clients often about the difference between knowing and doing. Even though I KNOW that perfect balance is a myth, for some reason I keep chasing it, thinking that maybe somehow I’m superhuman enough to achieve it.

Here’s to letting go of unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Here’s to releasing ourselves from guilt when we can’t do it all. Here’s to taking it one day a time and doing the best that we can each day to prioritize what matters most. Here’s to becoming the best version of ourselves!

The Highlights from the Creating a Positive Organizational Culture Event

On Tuesday evening, SOS Leadership Institute, Concordia University, and campus2careers hosted a fantastic event entitled "Creating a Positive Organizational Culture." Featuring two dynamic keynotes and a panel discussion, the event offered learning, information sharing, and networking to more than 75 professionals. Click here to see photos from the event. Here are a few of the highlights:

From the Opening Keynote by Dr. Don Christian of Concordia University:

• Focus on your organization's values and never lose sight of the organization's mission. Act in a manner that's consistent with the values, mission, and vision, and talk about it.
• Assure that your mission and vision are aligned with your organization's mission and vision.
• At times you must connect the dots for people. Help others to see how your actions align with the organization's mission and vision. Celebrate each success.
• Find partners who can help you to get a seat at the table. Never underestimate the value of relationships.
• "The only power you don't have is the power you give away." Empower yourself. If you don't feel invited to the table, invite yourself.
• You change an organization one project at a time.
• Culture eats strategy for breakfast.
• If you can't change the culture of your organization, change the culture of your department. If you can't change the culture of your department, change the culture of those around you.
• As an HR professional, challenge yourself to ask good questions, be a good listener, and always provide value.

From the Panel facilitated by Nathan Green of campus2careers:

• Everyone within the organization is responsible for shaping the culture. HR professionals have many touchpoints and must recognize the influence they can have on the culture.
• A culture definition shared by a panelist: "Whatever it takes to survive."
• To have an impact on culture, HR professionals need relationships throughout the org. They must be viewed as business partners. Connect with decision makers.
• Come to work everyday believing that what you do matters.
• HR professionals must have the courage to be the voice when the organization's leaders are making decisions that don't align with the type of culture they say they want to create.
• Hire people who align with the culture your organization is striving to create, which isn't necessarily the culture that currently exists.
• Key metrics HR pros can use when "taking the organization's culture temperature" include: employee retention, revenue, and employee engagement. Exit interviews can also provide important insights.
• Transparency is key for HR pros when issuing surveys to assess culture. Are you sharing & taking action on the results?
• Leverage management. Be a leader. People leave managers, not companies.
• Each individual manager within your organization establishes a climate. What types of climates are being created by the managers within your organization?
• If you're going to change a culture, you have to make sure the leadership is on board.
• As a leader, engage to build trust and rapport. Make it fun!
• In a positive culture, the voice of the customer is heard everywhere.
• Often we jump to solutions without thinking about the strategic picture. In order to be viewed as true business partners, HR professionals need to always think strategically and not simply be "solutioneers."
• Most leaders get culture. They just don't know how to impact it.
• To turn around a toxic culture, start with yourself.

A huge thank you to our fantastic panelists who generously shared the insights above and many more:

- Angie Cartwright, PHR, Owner, Potentiality Coaching and Consulting

- Brett Rodgers, HR Manager, Anue Systems

- Shane Sokoll, SPHR, Assistant Professor and Director of the HR Management Degree Program, Concordia University

- Angela Loeb, Owner, InSync Resources

From the Closing Keynote by Bill Moyer of SOS Leadership Institute:

• Are you in business? Or in busy-ness?
• Are you so busy doing everything that you don't have to time to do what matters most?
• A good culture looks like personal responsibility. Personal responsibility starts at the top.
• All organizations are perfectly designed for the results they are getting.
• There's nothing soft about soft skills. What's soft about communication?
• To lead your organization toward a culture of growth, implement this mindset: If you don't grow, you go.
• The enemy of growing is knowing. Don't let what you think you know stand in the way of what you can learn and how you can grow.
• All organizations are made up of two things: systems and people. You manage systems. You lead people.
• What is a stagnant culture? "Don't know they don't know. Know but won't grow. All blow and no go."
• What is a development culture? "Values driven. Ethical leadership. Development of all people at all levels."
• Is your organization focused on what matters most? Focused on people or the bottom line?
• You can be a difference maker. Are you making the difference you want (or need) to make?

Thanks to all who attended. We look forward to seeing you at future events...the plans are already in the works for our next event! Stay tuned! Subscribe to the SOS Leadership Seeds of Success e-newsletter so you'll know when our next event will take place.

It's all about you (yes, REALLY!)

Today's guest blogger is Jordana Jaffe of Quarter Life Clarity.

You know when you're annoyed with someone?

Or when you're convinced something is THEIR fault?

Or when they always seem to say the wrong thing?

Well, I have some news for you.

It has NOTHING to do with them, and EVERYTHING to do with you.

I want you to read that 3 more times, and really get it before we move on.

Once you get this, your life will change dramatically.

Everyone is really just a mirror for us. The relationships we have with our friends, colleagues, family, and significant other are simply opportunities to learn more about ourselves.

When you react to something, it doesn't have to do with the other person. It has to do with your own stuff - whether it reminds you of how you used to be, or how someone used to treat you, or a quality of one of your parents that you can't stand, our reactions have nothing to do with what the other person is doing, and everything to do with us.

But here's the thing. It's a lot easier to just point the finger at them and declare that it's THEIR problem. If only they were different, if only they responded in some other way, if only, if only, if only... Interesting enough, you would have the same reaction to what was done regardless of who did it. And your reaction is yours, and yours alone.

This is why some people can tolerate certain things in relationships, while others can't. This is why certain people annoy you for some reason, but they don't annoy your friends, even they act the exact same way to them.

This wake-up call may seem a tad abrasive and overwhelming, but it's actually very exciting. When you realize and really get that it's all about you, you can stop waiting for someone else to make you feel better, and instead, reclaim your own personal power.

Here's the good news and the bad news: No one can really make you feel better in a real way and for the long term except for you. And you know what? It's not their responsibility either. It's taken me quite a while (read: 29 years) to get this. I've been in plenty of relationships where I not only wanted people to make me feel better, but I EXPECTED it. And surprise, surprise, none of those relationships have lasted. Instead, I've spent the past few years working on me, and really strengthening my ability to give me what I had been seeking out from other people for far too long.

The more we commit to being responsible for our own happiness, the less we will expect of people, the more we will appreciate them, and the healthier our relationships will be in general.

Doing this, however, takes work, and isn't as easy as assigning the responsibility to someone else. It requires you to look within, really get to know yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself - flaws and all, and become personally accountable for your life. Now the cool thing about this is that it's SO rewarding and beyond freeing. How cool to not have to depend on anyone else to make you feel happy. I mean, if that isn't empowering, I don't know what is.

So, what will it be? Are you ready to reclaim your personal power and give yourself everything that, up until this point, you've been waiting (and ultimately, expecting) to get from someone else, or will you continue pointing the finger at everyone except the person who is really responsible?

Jordana Jaffe created Quarter Life Clarity to empower and help women in their 20's and 30's clarify their goals, identify their passions, and live their best and most authentic lives. Having graduated from college with an English degree and absolutely no direction beyond that, to being the founder of two successful businesses featured on NBC, in Women's Health, People StyleWatch and the New York Daily News, within only a few years, Jordana realized that success is YOURS for the taking, regardless of age or background. She believes in educating young women on the possibility of playing BIG and living full out, and has since committed herself to helping young women create the quarter lives of their dreams, whether that's figuring out your ideal career, or finding the perfect partner.

Jordana speaks on college panels, at university functions, sorority meetings, and leads her own workshops as well. To find out more or to book Jordana to come to your school or event, please email her.

Facebook Allows You to Wallow

We all have bad days. No one’s life is 100% perfect all the time. Before social networks existed, what did you do when you were having a tough day? You probably called a friend or family member and talked it out, maybe whined a bit, and that was usually that, right?

Now we have Facebook, Twitter, and a host of other ways to be connected 24/7 with a ton of people – friends, acquaintances, people in our professional networks, and those random folks we knew way back when and haven’t thought about in years.

So now if you have a crappy day, you can instantly share the full details of why your day sucked (or why your entire life now sucks) with hundreds of unsuspecting “friends” and “followers.” Awesome, right? WRONG! Here’s why (prepare for a soapbox moment…):

Your post will allow you to wallow in negativity for way longer than necessary.

Chances are your mood will turn around, unless you are a perpetual “Debbie Downer” whose glass is always half empty. When your mood improves, which may be an hour later (or even a day or two later if whatever had you down was a pretty big deal), you’ll still have people replying to your post, asking if you’re okay, offering to help, and reminding you of the crappiness that occurred. That’s when you’re susceptible to wallowing. Every single response, every friend who genuinely wants to help, will remind you of what was (or still is) wrong.

Life is too short to focus on what’s wrong. Your time and energy can be much better spent choosing to focus on all the things that are right in your life. Trust me, there are many.

So the next time you feel the need to spew your negative energy to the masses, remind yourself that you don’t want to wallow in negativity. Post something uplifting instead. Who knows? Your words may be just what one of your friends needs to read at that very moment to turn their day around.

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.
The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
~ Winston Churchill