Leaders Carry Each Other

Being a leader is a lifelong journey, and along the way, there are more ups and downs than we can count. All leaders feel like giving up sometimes.

We often think of leaders as being fearless, strong, confident, and unwavering...and we are a lot of the time. But we get frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed, lonely, and fearful too. We have days when we'd rather stay in bed than face the day.

One of the many reasons it's important to surround yourself with other leaders is because we need each other. We need to be reminded about how important our leadership is and that we matter. I'm convinced that a key to lifelong leadership is surrounding yourself with other leaders who believe in you AND who believe in themselves. And then you're on a leadership journey together...empowering each other, supporting each other, and sometimes carrying each other.

If you've been feeling like giving up, remember that the tide will turn soon. Hang in there, and if you need another leader to carry you, just ask. 

Leaders carry each other...we're all in this together.

Pillars of flawed Paradigms

Today's guest blog comes from Doug Rood of Decisive Solutions Coach, which is committed to helping the individual and groups of individuals take control of their destiny by creating proactive positive choices that produce the delicious fruit of their desires. Doug is a coach faculty member of SOS Leadership's SOS Coaching Network.

This morning while having my early morning daily devotional, I came across a passage that provoked thought with me that I would like to share with you. The passage is found in Psalm 29:3-6. In a nutshell, it says that the voice of the Lord is powerful and majestic like thunder and it breaks the cedars, the cedars of Lebanon. It goes on to say that He makes Lebanon “skip like a calf”.

As I paused to consider this idea of “breaks the cedars”, a question came to mind. Could the cedars represent “pillars of flawed paradigms”? I know for sure that I still have paradigms that are flawed and in need of being broken and replaced with new and effective paradigms. Am I alone in this journey?

The subsequent phrase, “He makes Lebanon skip like a calf…” created another question. Could these two verses refer to bondage and freedom? I don’t know because I am not an Old Testament Hebrew scholar by any stretch of the imagination. It just seems logical to me.

Would you agree with me that “pillars of flawed paradigms” are like bondage? If our pillars were broken, what could we imagine? Might we get a “skip” back in our steps?

As we begin a new week and a new month, might we introspectively reflect on the possibility of “pillars of flawed paradigms”? If so, what are some of those that come to mind? Does fear, doubt, uncertainty, hopelessness, negativity, etc. rise up? How about letting God’s powerful, majestic voice break those cedars so that you can “skip” this week?

Endless possibilities do exist. Let God amaze YOU!

The Austin Way- How I Became an Activist.

Dara Carrillo, is a communications and efficiency strategist, artist, activist and founder of DC Communications Consulting.She is greatly motivated by serving others and thrives in creating ideas and bringing them to fruition. Dara helps small to medium sized businesses and nonprofit organizations streamline processes, create strong internal infrastructures, develop individuals, build team effectiveness, maximize organizational efficiency, and ultimately increase profitability through effective communication strategies. 

An activist? Me? If someone would have told me years ago that I would be an activist when I grew up, I probably would not have believed them. Being an activist did not seem like something I would ever be motivated to become. As an introverted extrovert, the idea of whooping and hollering, and making a bunch of racket in public about a specific cause did not appeal to me whatsoever; but in the early part of 2011, all that changed. Here’s my story about how I answered my call to leadership as an activist in Austin, Texas.

One evening I found myself perusing Facebook and came across an event titled, “Slutwalk Austin Volunteer Call”. At first, I was a bit shocked by the title, but even still, curious enough to click on it anyway to find out more about it.  It was then that I discovered that March was intended for citizens to stand in solidarity with survivors of sexual violence, help raise awareness and put an end to the victim blaming culture we live in.  This global grassroots movement began when a cop in Toronto publicly announced that a girl would not have gotten raped if she was not wearing revealing clothes. I was so appalled that I signed up immediately to attend the meeting and help put an end to that kind of backwards thinking.

“You may think your actions are meaningless and that they won't help, but that is no excuse, you must still act.”

At this point in my life, I had just completed my Bachelor of Arts degree in Organizational Communications from St. Edward’s University, and was enthusiastic to put my new knowledge and skills to practice. I found myself doing hours of research and wrote down a ton of ideas in preparation for the volunteer meeting.

“The most important political office is that of a private citizen.”

The community meeting was held at a local restaurant in Austin. I was welcomed by about a dozen women and men who were also there to volunteer. I could feel the energy, motivation and excitement at the table.  There was no clear agenda other than to recruit volunteers for the march. Recognizing the need for organization, I jumped right in.  I suggested that everyone briefly share their strengths, interests, and experiences and then we could work toward matching interests with the necessary tasks.  The organizers of the meeting thought it was a great idea, so we all went around the table and shared.

A couple of days later, the lead organizer of the meeting contacted me and asked if I would be interested in meeting with them to discuss serving as the Volunteer Coordinator for March, and I willingly agreed.

Over the course of the next three months, I worked at least 40 hours a week (on top of my regular 40 hour work week) preparing for this event. I lent a hand in making sure every “t” was crossed and every “i” was dotted and also helped recruit, orient and manage volunteers for this march. The event was a huge success with 4 inspirational speakers, 60+ volunteers and close to 1,500 attendees who marched with us, starting and ending at the capitol through downtown Austin. After this event, I continued advocating for sexual assault survivors as a Communications Strategist and Volunteer Coordinator for Sexual-Violence Free Austin (SVFree).

There are many different approaches to activism. The angry, reactive approach did not appeal to me at all. In fact, that method made me quite uncomfortable. This entire process taught me that I naturally gravitated toward a proactive style of activism focusing on education and prevention.

Today, without hesitation, I call myself an activist and a leader. My experiences showed me how very possible it was to start with a vision of what could be, and take action. Reflecting on this experience, I cannot believe how energetic and willing I was to work that hard and that many hours, for free.  Helping others have a voice and feel supported was all the motivation I needed to sustain me.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

 Gaining this awareness that my inspiration came from serving others, I know that my future will include activism and in fact, we need activism in our society to create positive change. It was through my service to others, standing in solidarity with survivors and working side by side with others who had common goals, that I was able to answer my call to leadership. My passion for civic engagement propels me to continue to practice leadership and is a priority in my life’s work.

Connect with Dara on her blog or send her an e-mail.

Today's post is the third of the SOS Leadership Austin Leading Ladies' Blog Series. The purpose of this blog series is to share the stories and insights of women who are answering the call to leadership in their lives. Come back each Friday to read more!

Learning to Sieze the Moment

Today, Monique Moreno continues to take us through her leadership journey in part 3 of 5 of her leadership blog series. She is covering her leadership journey as she attempts to survive in this 21st century technological jungle.

Carpe Diem.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” –Mark Twain

I discovered the above quote one day last year while on the hunt for good quotes I could incorporate into my crafts (I know what you’re thinking, but no, I’m not eighty years old. I’m twenty, and I just really like to do crafts.) It was one of those profound things that you read and always remember. 

Everyone at one point or another has used an excuse to get out of doing something. I know I have. I know I still catch myself trying to pull a fast one on myself from time to time. It’s rough out there. No one expects us to be perfect and yet we usually end up being our own worst critics.

The truth is, we can never better ourselves if we don’t take the leap. We can’t ever grow if we don’t ever let ourselves venture into new territory. If you stay stagnant your entire life, your roots will get cemented to the ground and you’ll end up a pesky weed everyone tries to get rid of because they’ve stuck around for too long in one spot.

Okay, maybe not. But, still. It’s healthy to take chances I mean, If Pocahontas hadn’t followed her heart when it came to John Smith, sure, Kocoum might have survived, but would she have really been in love with Kocoum? I don’t think so.

Leadership comes in all shapes and sizes, and no role is too small. You don’t even have to lead others, just learn to lead yourself and make decisions that make you a better you! In college, I’ve learned to apply to everything. The worse that can happen is that it doesn’t quite work out. I recently applied for a leadership position that had to do with studying abroad that I didn’t think I had a chance of landing. I didn’t get it. (See? These things happen to everyone.) I didn’t think I was qualified and I knew there were people applying who were way more qualified than I was, and that person did, in fact, get picked. However, I decided to apply on a whim because it was something I wanted.

Although I was disappointed I didn’t get it, I was proud of myself that I applied. I am also a firm believer that everything happens for a reason which resonated true in this case as shortly after that I was approached to take on another duty that wouldn’t have been possible had I been offered the first position. In fact, it was my initiative on the first role that got me noticed for the second role, which just goes to show that you never know who’s watching.

So seize the day. Apply for that dream role you’re scared to apply to. Stop overanalyzing and just do it!  Stop journeying down the safe path and take a chance on the risky path every once in a while. You’ll be surprised where it may lead you; I know I sure have been.

Check back next Thursday to read more about Monique's leadership journey!

SOS Gr8 Women Leaders on What Makes a Gr8 Leader

We recently launched our third group of the SOS Gr8 Women Leaders Program with eight incredible women who are committed to developing their leadership skills and challenging themselves to learn, grow, network, and achieve at a higher level. This group of Gr8 Women Leaders are already amazing leaders, but they recognize that they can grow and become even better. They have a strong desire to learn, and they are willing to invest their valuable time, energy, and money to gain an edge and become the best version of themselves.

During our kick-off session, we had a thought-provoking discussion about what makes a leader great. Here's a list of qualities the SOS Gr8 Women came up with...

A Gr8 Leader...

• Leads by example
• Has compassion for each person she encounters
• Takes existing style and helps the person to be successful as they are
• Empowers people to be who they are
• Shows her passion
• Honors the person she is working with
• Is not focused on power
• Is trustworthy 
• Acts with integrity in every situation
• Is transparent 
• Has vision and knows how to share it
• Cares about each person as an individual
• Is confident
• Knows how to get out of the way
• Takes care of herself
• Has good habits and routines that work for her
• Is open to being vulnerable
• Shows appreciation
• Figures out how to find the sweet spot between leading and managing
• Is not micromanager
• Has a strong relationship with those she leads - a relationship of trust and transparency
• Makes decisions
• Recognizes the importance of being consistent
• Is a clear communicator of expectations
• Asks good questions
• Has foresight about how she wants to grow
• Is assertive
• Seeks balance
• Is focused on learning

This is a comprehensive list from a group of truly great leaders. What else would you add to this list? Share your ideas in the comments below. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts. 

One of the foundational beliefs I have about leadership is that there is no cookie cutter approach. One size doesn't fit all. Each and every one of us has our own unique leadership style; perhaps your style includes many of the qualities listed above, but maybe it doesn't. The important thing is to focus on understanding who you are, what leadership means to you, and how YOU want to lead. That's what the SOS Gr8 Women Leaders Program is all about. Our goal is to grow with you...we exist to empower and equip leaders (THAT'S YOU) to make a difference!

Check out this short video to learn more about the SOS Gr8 Women Leaders Program!

Leadership Development Mad Lib

With more than 15 years experience in communications and human relations, Kelli Huff currently serves as the director of human resources at SicolaMartin. Kelli has expertise in all areas of leadership development, performance and career management, with a particular passion for culture branding. She has a degree in communication from Texas A&M University-Commerce, and began her career as a news producer for NBC, CBS and FOX affiliates. Married to a creative director, her two children are predisposed to be future advertising execs.

I’m a people person, and as a human resource leader, I get to spend the majority of my time with people. I love it because I've observed that my leadership abilities evolve through relationships with others. My style of management is formed from qualities of respect, openness, observation, good humor, and knowing that I’m not always right. This is a style I bring into my organization. 

Organizational development is much like leadership development. You focus on key strengths and attributes, paying attention to values and point of views, and identifying areas of growth then implementing plans for positive change.

It’s not terribly complicated, but it can be complex. I recently consulted on a leadership retreat for a communications agency. There was one simple fill-in-the-blank statement that was posed to each executive:

The future success of our company depends on ________.

But because we’re dealing with people who each have their own world view, goals and objectives, the answers were anything but simple. There was much conversation and respectful debate about what success even means, whiteboards and vats of coffee, but through open dialogue and a genuine desire for a united mission, the organization is on a path to success, with committed leaders.

The same exercise can be applied to personal leadership development, and at times, can be even more compounded since you are pulling from within; and although you may learn from and lean on others, you alone can identify who you are as a leader. So please don’t be your worst critic, and ask yourself:

Success means ________ to me. My future success depends on ________.

And let the responses flow. Think of it as the leadership version of Mad Libs™. Don’t limit yourself, and see where your mind takes you. Start to identify themes and begin to put together a plan of action. Take it step by step and pretty soon you’ll be running.

Connect with Kelli on her blog, Linkedin, and Twitter.

Today's post is the second of the SOS Leadership Austin Leading Ladies' Blog Series. The purpose of this blog series is to share the stories and insights of women who are answering the call to leadership in their lives. Come back each Friday to read more!

Okay, I’m in College, Now What?

Today, Monique Moreno continues to take us through her leadership journey in part 2 of 5 of her leadership blog series. She is covering her leadership journey as she attempts to survive in this 21st century technological jungle.

When I entered college in fall 2011, I thought leadership positions would come naturally to me. I had been involved in many things throughout my high school career, and I truly believed it would be just as easy to be heavily involved at the university level. So, naturally, I went to the university’s involvement fair and boldly signed up for nine organizations.

Well. That wasn’t the first Freshman Blunder I made, and it certainly wasn’t the last.

The emails piled up and I avoided mostly all of them. Informational meetings. Pot luck dinners. Fundraising polls. Meeting changes. Room changes. Time changes. Date changes. It was safe to say I was overwhelmed and I didn’t know exactly how to go about sorting through the hundreds of emails I had let accumulate in my mailbox, marked with the sickly bold font that meant I hadn’t touched it yet.

It was easy to commit to so much in high school, but not so much in college. The main difference I found in college commitments and high school commitments was that oftentimes, with high school commitments, meetings were limited and time was precious. In college, there were meetings every week, mixers on the weekend, and it seemed like my rear would be permanently glued to a chair manning the bake sale booth.

I then told myself I couldn’t just avoid these things forever, and made a list of every organization I had attempted to join. I asked myself why I was trying to get involved in each organization, and I prioritized which seemed to be the most important to me. I got my list down to about three organizations I could really see myself committing to and I finally attended meetings about halfway through September.

After I had cut down my list of involvements, I found that I didn’t quite like the vibe of two, and found that I could really leave a mark on and dedicate some time to the Public Relations Student Society of America (PRSSA). Not only was PRSSA a great organization to help me sort out what I wanted to specifically do with my communication degree, it also provided some really great opportunities.

What I learned through this process is that when it comes to being involved, it’s okay for it to take some time. Sometimes it’s easier for us to take that step if we think about things carefully. Like the other ‘ship, friendship, leadership is all about quality, not quantity. Just like it’s better to have a handful of really good friends that you can rely on than a big indecisive bunch, it’s important that we don’t spread ourselves too thin to the point where the quality of our actions and work suffer. 

Although I haven’t been as involved as possible in every organization on campus, my commitment to PRSSA remains strong. This academic year I held an officer position, and next year I’m running for president of the organization. My goal is to strengthen the group of wonderful individuals we have with us and guide them to success as we grow our number of members. I’m determined and dedicated to keep the great legacy of the organization going strong, and if that’s the one mark I leave with the school, then I will happily write myself off as a college success. 

Check back next Thursday to read more about Monique's leadership journey!

Weekly Motivational Minute: Develop a Burning Desire

Every week, an SOS Leadership partner or friend shares a motivational minute about a different leadership topic. This week, Billy Moyer encourages us to, "Develop a Burning Desire."

We Belong to Each Other

In the days following the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, I wrote this blog about leading with hope. Today  we once again search for hope as we grieve after another senseless act of violence. Mother Teresa's words ring true today, "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

As leaders on this day and every day, let us remember that we belong to each other. Let us take a moment to show love and gratitude to the people in our lives who matter most: our family members, friends, colleagues, and those who strive to lead with hope.

Today I hope that we remember all of the leaders and heroes who emerged yesterday in Boston, as well as all of the leaders who choose to lead on a daily basis. Leadership is an act of courage, and we must not back down. Will we continue to lead with hope or throw in the towel? Let's choose to lead and to share our hope with the world.

The world needs hope. 

The world needs strong leaders. 

The world needs you.

"A Leader is a Dealer in Hope."

~ Napoleon Bonaparte 

All of us at SOS Leadership are lifting up prayers for those who lost their lives, those who were injured, and all who feel the grief of yesterday's events in Boston.  

Why Honesty Is The Best Leadership Policy

Nicole Seligman is a writer and advocate born and raised in Austin, TX. She believes in Sisterhood and good hair days. Nicole writes about personal style and growing up on her blog writes like a girl. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Traditionally, directors of companies and organizations led with the belief that the least amount of transparency would gain the greatest amount of respect. While this style of hierarchy is intentionally exclusive, it can create a barrier to success for the entire team. Choosing honesty over secrecy shows that you respect the people you lead enough to keep them in the loop. Here are a few ways being honest can benefit your leadership skills.

As an authority figure: A leadership role with levels of people below you is a major responsibility. Not only are you responsible for making decisions and saving face after a public mishap, but you have a responsibility to be true to your staff. If the company receives recognition for its hard work, be vocal about your gratitude. When your organization faces a difficult time or unexpected change, being forthcoming about your fears and insecurities will boost overall morale because your staff will feel solidarity instead of separation during this trying time.

As a mentor: The purpose of a mentorship is to help someone learn from not only your victories, but also your mistakes. The teachers we have the closest connection to, both in and out of the classroom, are those who make a point to be on our level. When describing your journey up until this point in your career, don’t leave out the important moments where you declined an opportunity, ate off the dollar menu, or felt paralyzed by the unexpected. We’ve felt lost at some point, so validate your mentee’s experience instead of sweeping your own under the rug.

As a natural leader: In your own life, you’re a role model to those around you. In your daily interactions, friends, coworkers, and people on the Internet are all looking to you to know what is next. Whether you’re supporting a cause or starting a new job, people are counting on your insight more than your success. Sometimes we say yes to an opportunity we shouldn’t have or we make a tough life transition. Communicating openly about your experiences helps you grow and encourages others to shake things up a little, even if they are scared to take the next step.

As a blogger, my honesty has not only gained a following, but has given me the support I often need to feel confident in my leadership abilities. For every leader who is struggling with making a connection with their group or their readers, try a little honesty.

Today's post is the first of the SOS Leadership Austin Leading Ladies' Blog Series. The purpose of this blog series is to share the stories and insights of women who are answering the call to leadership in their lives. Come back each Friday to read more!

Dream big, dream small, dream it all and do it

Today's guest blog comes from Monique Moreno, one of our current interns from St. Edward's University. She is writing a five week blog series that will cover her leadership journey as she attempts to survive in this 21st century technological jungle. She is fond of coupons, the color orange, and writing about herself in the third person. After graduation in May 2014, she wants to move to a big city to work in communications and, most importantly, finally own a dog.

All my adolescent life, I had been the Quiet Girl. I didn’t speak much in social settings and my shyness inhibited me so much that when I was at restaurants, I ate without silverware that had gone missing, dealt with empty bottles of ketchup, and never asked for refills. At home, I kept my nose buried in Babysitter Club books and even read at the dinner table, to my mother’s dismay. (But seriously, the worst problem she had to deal with was me bringing books to the table…? Most kids you had to bribe to read. Am I right or am I right?)

It didn’t help much that I moved to a new school district right before I started high school. Although I didn’t have to endure eating lunch in the bathroom on my first day of school, I was slow to make friends and get involved. However, one thing that I knew I had always loved was writing and communication, which lead to me being enrolled in journalism class.

I thrived.

Suddenly, I found myself as section editor as I joined the yearbook staff my sophomore year. I soon learned that having a voice is fun. I learned that it’s okay to get out of my comfort zone and explore new things. By the time I had graduated high school, I had been the editor-in-chief of the school yearbook, class historian, vice president of National Honor Society, head of publicity for the theatre department (and became a thespian), and chaired the ladies’ spirit clubs. I had even started a British Club, where members would come together to fangirl over all things British.

I still am the Quiet Girl, to an extent. I still can appreciate running errands alone and find silence comfortable. However, I’ve found that if there’s something cool going on that it can be fun to be a leader and share your voice. Whether this involves you getting involved in a non-profit, taking charge of a group project, or heading a committee, leadership doesn’t have to be daunting and is doable for everyone. Start small, and you’ll find yourself succeeding. And even if you don’t succeed on your first go at leading, try again. You can learn from mistakes, but you can’t learn anything if you don’t try at all.

Being a leader is easy when you’re passionate about what you’re doing. To decide to become a leader in your community can sometimes be selfish (The recognition! The power! The fame!), but to actually be a good leader is selfless because you should be doing it to better something, whether that be the community or your peers and colleagues. You have a talent, use it!

So the next time you think to yourself, “Oh, I’m too shy to do that,” or “I’ll just let someone else do it, even though I know I could do it better,” forget the negativity! Go out there and lead. Dream big, dream small, dream it all and do it. You’ll be pleasantly surprised where your new experiences may lead you.

Oh, and the former restaurant problems? Now I’m THAT girl who asks for sweet tea refills to go at Pluckers!

Check back next Thursday to read more about Monique's leadership journey!

Weekly Motivational Minute: Perfectionism and Living a Life of Significance

Every week, an SOS Leadership partner or friend shares a motivational minute about a different leadership topic. This week, Amber Fogarty talks about, "Perfectionism and Living a Life of Significance."

Why I Lead

Next Friday SOS Leadership will host its monthly Austin Leading Ladies Power Hour, an opportunity for women leaders to come together to network and empower each other to make a difference. The topic is: Why I Lead.

Think for a moment about why you lead. What ignited your passion for leadership? When did you first recognize and understand that you are a leader? Why do you lead?

Many times on this blog we've acknowledged that leadership is a choice. Some say yes and choose to lead, and plenty of others don't. What is your WHY?

My WHY is summed up in the 5 words I use to define my life's purpose: faith, family, leadership, learning, and homelessness. Coming to understand my purpose has been a lifelong journey, and it is ongoing. At this moment, I have clarity that these five simple words encompass my life's work. 

Each and every day I strive to better understand my personal call to leadership and how it is uniquely mine. Through a deep commitment to learning and growth, I hope to continue to grow as a leader so that I can more fully answer the call to leadership in my life. I believe that seeking understanding about why I lead is a vital part of this process.

Learning to lead is a constant journey. Our individual motivations are different, but we share a common bond as leaders who want to make a difference. 

Why do you lead? And what does it mean to Lead Like You?

Make it a great day!

It is your job!

Teams are the way ordinary people accomplish extraordinary things! Have you ever worked on a team that accomplished extraordinary things? I know I have and it is an amazing feeling. It is so rewarding to see what a team of people on the same page can accomplish. Sadly, more people will answer yes to my next question. Have you ever worked on a team that was brought down by the negative attitude of one person? I am sure most people have.

There are many things that can kill a team and a negative attitude is certainly one of them. But one thing that will not only kill your team, but also the culture of your organization is an attitude of "it's not my job." You have heard this response. You have worked with people who have said "I shouldn't be doing this because it's not my job" or "that isn't worth my time." Hopefully you were not working with them long because this type of an attitude will kill your team or organization. And it only takes one "it's not my job" attitude to negatively effect the whole team. An effective leader of a team or organization will deal with this right away before it spreads.

It is important to remember that the last line of every good job description says: "All other duties as assigned." This means that whatever you are told to do is a part of your job. You may not always like it and you may not agree with it, but it is your job. Perhaps you feel like you are not being utilized correctly. It is important to have an honest conversation about this, but you cannot have that conversation after saying "it's not my job."

Please remember the power of teams. Working together can dramatically increase your productivity and results. But if you allow people on your team to have an "it's not my job" attitude, you will see a lack of results and before you know it, the whole team will suffer.

Think about the times when you have been given something you did not want to do. How did you respond? Negativity will be met with negativity and positivity will be met with positivity. Always respond positively and be the change that you want to see on your team!

What is Holding You Back?

Today's blog has been written by SOS intern, Marisa Hernandez.

When I graduated from high school in 2007, my plan was to go to nursing school at Austin Community College for two short years and then I’d be done. At ACC I found that the science classes were not doing it for me, so I would drop a class and switch it for another, only to have to take it again the next semester if I wanted to get into nursing school.

            

Dropping classes turned into withdrawing from classes, which turned into flunking classes. I was so unmotivated, so unsure of what I wanted to do with my life, and after too many withdrawals and an extremely low GPA, I ended up getting suspended from ACC. That was my rock bottom. I was so upset with myself for getting to that point; for disappointing the people that meant the most to me.

            

After two semesters of sulking, I became motivated to get back on track; I no longer wanted to disappoint anyone, especially myself. My plan was to start classes at ACC again in order to boost my GPA so I could get into a good university; that plan was easier said than done. It took about two years to pull myself out of the hole I had dug, but I found along the way that the guilt of allowing myself to get to the point of being suspended was holding me back, it was my road block.

            

When I would get really stressed during this time, I would find myself in tears, so angry at myself. I would think over and over, “this wouldn’t have happened had you known what to do with your life” or “you would have graduated by now had you stayed on track.” These same thoughts would play in my mind and they would stop me from working. I would get in horrible moods because I thought these negative things, and it would affect my work and the people that were closest to me. These negative thoughts were my road blocks. They held me back from moving forward in my life.

            

Fast forward two years later to today. I am one year short of obtaining my Bachelor of Arts degree in Communication from St. Edward’s University. I have moved passed those road blocks, and although they come up from time to time, my mindset is much stronger now.

            

Everyone faces road blocks in their lives, but it’s how you overcome them that will ultimately make you stronger and successful. Road blocks come in many forms, ranging from negative thoughts, guilt, and even people. It’s important to know that these road blocks can be moved, you just have to know you’re strong enough to move them!

            

The key to overcoming any road block is having the confidence in yourself to know you can overcome it, and knowing you are making progress. Surround yourself with positive influences, be it people, your environment, or both, and you will see a world of difference. You do have what it takes to pursue any passion, any dream, any goal that you want. You just have to overcome a few bumps before you get there. 

Perfectionist Leaders

You are a leader. And most likely, you are drawn to the SOS Leadership blog because you are striving to learn and grow as a leader, and you genuinely want to make a difference through your leadership. My question today is this: Are you also a perfectionist? If so, this blog is for you.

It seems that many leaders, myself included, struggle with perfectionism, holding themselves to unattainable standards. When others don't meet my expectations, I strive to respond with empathy and encouragement, yet when I disappoint myself, I often dwell on all of the things I'm doing wrong, rather than everything I'm doing right.

Think about a time when you received a positive evaluation, perhaps a performance review at work, feedback from a professor about a paper you wrote, or a critique of a presentation you gave. Remember the one or two "needs improvement" areas that were noted? If you're a perfectionist, chances are you remember those with vivid detail, much more than you remember the praise you received. This is often how perfectionists operate, focusing on the few things they did wrong, rather than the many things they do extremely well.

The bottom line is this: Your leadership journey is about learning and growth, not about being perfect. In fact, if you were perfect, people wouldn't want to follow you. Your imperfection is what makes you relatable.

I really believe that Harriet Braiker said it best, "Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." It's a fine line, but one that can be achieved, particularly when you surround yourself with a strong support system of people who believe in you, encourage you, and remind you often that you're awesome.

So strive to learn and grow with a focus on being the leader you are called to be! Embrace the journey, always remembering that leadership and learning go hand in hand. Keep learning, keep leading, and keep making a difference! 

If you want to read another thought-provoking blog about perfectionism, check out Who Says You Have to be Perfect?, which was written by guest blogger Jordana Jaffe. 

Weekly Motivational Minute: People Become Like Their Leader

Every week, an SOS Leadership partner or friend shares a motivational minute about a different leadership topic. This week, Billy Moyer talks about how, "People Become Like Their Leader."

What fruit is that in your hand?

SOS Coaching Network coach
faculty member, Doug Rood.

Today's guest blog comes from Doug Rood of Decisive Solutions Coach, which is committed to helping the individual and groups of individuals take control of their destiny by creating proactive positive choices that produce the delicious fruit of their desires. Doug is a coach faculty member of SOS Leadership's SOS Coaching Network.

I recall a story about a man who earnestly desired to have a productive apple tree in his yard, a Macintosh apple tree to be specific. He was so excited to learn that his local nursery carried just that type. So, he purchased a five gallon container, diligently prepared the soil, and planted it according to the directions. The label said that a crop will harvest in just three years. He longed for the day of harvest.

Each spring and fall season, he worked the soil, fertilized and watered his young and growing tree. He was very intentional to follow the specific label instructions. He took special care of the tree’s development because he truly wanted Macintosh apples.

Finally, the third year came and he saw the virgin fruit beginning to grow on the limbs. His excitement and expectation was rapidly growing. However, as the fruit was developing, he became very puzzled by what he observed. “These are not Macintosh apples”, he thought aloud in dismay. “These look more like peaches than apples!” In fact, that is exactly what the tree produced – peaches.

To say that he was upset was an understatement. He took one of the fruit and the original label and raced off to the nurseryman to ask him how could this be? The simple reply was, “regrettably, the five gallon container that you purchased was mislabeled. We would be glad to give you a refund of your money, or a new and correct tree if you would like?”

Have you ever experienced a “harvest” in your professional and, or personal life that did not turn out like you desired or expected? Most have. Each of us is continuing to build our value system. What is yours based on? I recommend that it be built on timeless principles, just like the story above. You see, there is an ancient principle that teaches us that “every seed bears after its own kind”. Another principle that most of us are familiar with that is related to this one is, “you reap what you sow”.

I ask again, “what fruit is in your hand”. Are you holding the delicious fruit of proactive, positive choices? Or, are you looking at the rotten fruit of reactive, negative choices?

Don't Give Up, Don't Ever Give Up

The other night as I sat down to watch a college basketball game, I found myself instead drawn into a documentary about a team from 30 years ago. ESPN was showing one of their 30 for 30 documentaries and it was about the 1983 National Champions, the North Carolina State Wolfpack. That NC State team was one of the great Cinderella stories in college basketball history. They were also coached by one of the greatest leaders of all time, Jim Valvano.

Jimmy V, as he was known, was a great basketball coach. He won a lot of games, including that 1983 championship. One of the greatest scenes from that title game was Jimmy running around after the game looking for people to hug. That 1983 team was lead by Jimmy's "never give up" attitude. Without that attitude, NC State could never have slayed giants like Ralph Sampson, one of the best college players of all time and Virginia. They could not have beaten Phi Slamma Jamma and Houston, who were lead by Hall of Famers Clyde Drexler and Akeem (later Hakeem) Olajuwon. Jimmy V really was an outstanding motivator and coach. But his success as a coach is not where his story ends.

Jimmy retired from coaching and went into broadcasting. He also did quite a bit of motivational speaking. His  "never give up" attitude and stories from the 1983 run made from great speeches. In 1992, Jimmy V was diagnosed with bone cancer and that is where his story really begins. His "never give up" attitude was tested with cancer, but Jimmy refused to quit. But this was one opponent that Jimmy could not beat with his will. On April 28, 1993 Jimmy lost his battle.

During his battle with cancer, Jimmy became an inspiration to many. He fought through the pain, even though there were times he could not walk. Jimmy's most famous moment (even more famous than his 1983 championship) came just two months before he died at the 1993 ESPY Awards presented by ESPN. It was here that Jimmy was honored with the Author Ashe Award for Courage for his courageous battle with cancer. It was a shock to many that Jimmy actually made it to the ceremony because he was so ill, but after being helped up on stage his inspirational spirit, lovable personality, and motivational words started something special. That night Jimmy announced that he was starting The V Foundation for Cancer Research, which since its forming has raised more than $100 million for cancer research. The motto of the foundation is appropriately "Don't Give Up, Don't Ever Give Up." He said that this research may not save his life, but it may save his childrens lives. As always, Jimmy was more concerned about others than himself.

That quote has been one of my personal affirmations since seeing Jimmy V's speech 20 years ago. Jimmy is one of my hero's and I consider him to be a leader who made a tremendous difference in this world. He led with passion, charisma, and humor. He made everyone around him better. One of my favorite things Jimmy said was that everyday you should laugh, cry, and think. "If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

Jimmy's life and death continue to inspire others to this day. Even in a documentary about his 1983 championship team, his personal fight stole the show. If you have never seen Jimmy's ESPY speech, I encourage you to watch it today. I hope it will inspire you as it has inspired me. And I hope you can be introduced to one of the greatest leaders of all time; a basketball coach turned broadcaster turned hero. Remember that no matter what happens in your life, "Don't Give Up, Don't Ever Give Up!"